Gilmore Mausoleum
by tenshi noyo Ryu Taiga
Summary: This sort of takes after the episode Richard in Stars Hollow, in the very beginning where they are talking about kicking a dead family member out of the mausoleum.


"Gimore Mausoleum"

This sort of takes after the episode "Richard in Stars Hollow", in the very beginning where they are talking about kicking a dead family member out of the mausoleum.

* * *

"Rory!" Emily said almost frantically as she and Logan entered the Gilmore mansion, "Come in." She commanded and then said, "Hurry up!" as they took too long for her standards. Inside the parlor was Lorelai and her husband Chris, Rory's dad.

"Now, we have something very important to discuss" Emily said as she sat down

Lorelai gave Rory a look asking if she knew what Emily was talking about, Rory gave a subtle shake.

"As we all know, Logan and Rory are engaged to be married" Richard started

"No, really?" Lorelai asked sarcastically

"This is no time for your sarcasm, Lorelai" Emily scolded, "This is a serious matter!"

Rory and Logan started to worry. The Gilmore family had been alright when they had announced their engagement last week. Had they changed their mind?

"As you may recall, Rory and Lorelai, a few years ago I went to the Gilmore Family Mausoleum and had found out that there was no space left and so we bought an Annex." Emily said

Lorelai smiled as she recalled the conversation and Rory groaned. Logan and Chris looked confused.

"Now, God knows how, but Lorelai managed to actually snag a man" Emily continued as Lorelai gasped and Rory snickered, "And we always knew Rory would find a husband, unlike some people we had lost hope with" She muttered under her breath, ignoring Lorelai open jaw, "But the last time we talked about this, it was too early for Rory to be thinking about marriage, so it wasn't a problem, but now that she's engaged, well, that's a different story"

"Oh God" Rory groaned, "We already kicked out Aunt Cecile, what more do you want?"

"Rory! Don't you want your husband to be buried beside you when you die?" Emily asked

"Okay, I'm a little confused" Chris interjected

"Me too" Logan added, smiling cutely at his fiancee.

"Well, a few years ago, it started off like this:" Lorelai started

FLASHBACK:

"So Lorelai, are you dating?" Emily asked quickly

Lorelai was blind sided, "Uh, hm, no, I'm not dating."

"Really? There's no one at all?" She asked, inching closer

"No, totally single." Lore replied inching away

"Any chance you'd get back with Max?" She continued asking

"No Mom, there's no chance." Lorelai said matter of factly.

Emily started listing, "What about the man at the diner, the one who refuses to shave?"

"Luke, he's just a friend Mom." She explained

Emily kept digging, "Do you think you'll be single your entire life?"

Lorelai couldn't believe what she was hearing, "Excuse me?"

"I mean, in terms of your finding someone, what do you think the odds are?" Emily said as if this were a normal topic of conversation, used by everyone.

Lorelai finally got fed up "Okay, what is going on?"

"Well, I visited the family mausoleum today." Emily started

"Never what you think it's gonna be!" Lorelai commented to Rory unbelievingly

"I just wanted to check on things, make sure they were keeping it up, changing the flowers, you know." Emily continued, undaunted.

"Uh huh." She nodded, not really listening anymore

"So I went inside and looked around and it occurred to me that there's a very limited space there."

"Oh." Lorelai responded, not really knowing what to say

"Now of course there's a slot open for me and Richard and you and Rory, but after the two of you – that's it. No more room for anyone else."

"Ah." Finally, there's the point

"Yes. So if you actually do meet someone someday, I don't know where to put him." Emily states

"Well, maybe we could just dump him at the local pool hall." Lorelai joked

"Don't be silly." Emily says, but the look in her eyes said she was seriously considering it for a moment.

"No, because this is definitely not a conversation for that." She says sarcastically, mentally asking if her mother actually realized what she was saying

"I looked into expanding into the crypt next door but the family that owns it wouldn't even discuss it with me." She said as if it were horrible that a family didn't want to remove their dead ancestors from their graves.

"I'm getting a little creeped out here." Rory said worriedly

"So I talked to the head of the cemetery and he suggested that we buy an annex." Emily ignored Rory's comment

"An annex?" Rory asked

"Yes."

"You know, like an outlet store, it would specialize in the irregular family members." Lorelai grinned

"So if we do get the annex and you do eventually someday get married…" Emily said, getting back tot he point

"Mom, just say it- 'fat chance', will you?"

"I just meant that we'll have to decide who to move." Emily replied innocently

"Oh, oh." Lorelai thought, "Well, uh. . .ugh, why don't we move Aunt Cecile? She was always so annoying at parties. She loved the knock-knock jokes."

Rory couldn't believe what she was hearing, "Mom!"

"What?" Lorelai asked as if she truly had no idea what was wrong

"You can't just kick out Aunt Cecile." Rory complained

"Knock-knock. Who's there? Pineapple. Pineapple who?- That's where it ended. Never fully grasped the knock-knock concept." Lorelai said, giving an example

"She _was_ a complete idiot. Okay, it's decided – Cecile goes." Emily said decisively

"Good."

"Look - put me in the annex." Rory interfered

"Unh uh. No way. You are not leaving me alone in there with Cecile." Lorelai joked

"Well I'm not gonna be held responsible for somebody being kicked out of their eternal resting place." Rory said

"Ooh, I have an idea. I'll probably go first, right? So when Rory kicks, just throw her in with me." Lorelai smiled

"I'd like my own space if you don't mind." Rory said, still not believing that they were having this inane conversation

"Why? It'd totally be fun to be there together. Plus I plan to be buried with all the good CD's and my rock star belt." Lorelai tried to entice

They heard the steps of Richard as he came down the stairs

"Sorry I'm late. What did I miss?" He asked

"We were just discussing who to move to the annex." Emily replied

"Oh. I vote for Cecile. Horrible woman, and those terrible jokes." Richard voted

"What'd I tell you?" Lorelai asked Rory

"This is a cold, cold family." Rory frowned

END FLASHBACK:

"You exaggerate, Lorelai" Emily scolded

"I did not!" Lorelai gasped sarcastically

"Anyway, now that you are married to Lorelai" Emily looked at Chris before turning to Logan, "And you and Rory are engaged. We have no room to put one of you when you die. The family mausoleum is full"

"Crude" Rory commented

"So, who can we kick out?" Lorelai asked almost gleefully

"You know, one day that could be us" Rory said, "One day a Gilmore is going to say, there's no more room. Let's kick a few people out. How about Richard, Emily, Lorelai and Rory' "

"Come on! Who can we kick out?" Lorelai asked as Richard stood to get a drink

"How about your Great Aunt Elizabeth?" Emily asked, "She was always making the most disgusting comments"

"Oh, yes!" Lorelai agreed

"What?" Richard asked as he sat down

"Great Aunt Elizabeth?" Rory said, giving up, realizing it was useless.

"Oh, horrid woman" Richard agreed

"Horrible people" Rory said as Chris and Logan grinned at the oddity of this conversation

"Hello, I'm Elizabeth. How are you. Better yet, who are you and have you ever seen a penis?" Lorelai imitated

"No!" Rory said shocked as Chris spit out his drink in shock

"And I was eight!" Lorelai exclaimed

"Oh, that's it. Lizzy's gotta go" Rory said


End file.
